June 6th, tired and struggling


It’s 9:48am and I’m drained and shattered as I have been for most of this week. My head is aching as it always is and I’m too tired to string two thoughts together. I feel ok about it as there’s not a lot I can about it apart from go with it and ride it out. I think the drop in temperature has brought on a cold which it often does with me and combined with all the running I’ve done in April and May my immune system has been knocked for six and unable to cope with everything my body has been through. Today is a day for relaxing and doing what I can and not worrying about what I can’t do and haven’t done and putting myself under unnecessary stress and pressure. It’s a day of looking after myself, eating healthy and drinking plenty of water. I’ve everything I need in the house so don’t need to go out apart from to get my lottery.

The run tomorrow is changed too from a recce of the Yorkshireman Half to a recce of the Coiners fell race route. I’m tired and my left ankle is still aching from Thursday so I might give it a miss and do my own thing and go local. That way if I feel too tired to carry on I can just go home. Change of plan. Off for a run with Kevin now. We’re both shattered so it’ll be easier and at least I’ll get out.

Being injured isn’t helping Claire either. I know only too well how running is a release for all the stress and pressure of life for Claire and me and when that release valve is taken away from you all that stress and pressure builds up and has nowhere to go and you end up feeling drowned under the weight of everything you have going on and you are being pushed further under the water and nothing can save you. That’s how it feels when you can’t run to release the stress and pressure and I can imagine Claire feeling like that right now.

It’s 2:24pm and time for me to go and get dressed and go and get my lottery. I’ve done some exercises with my kettlebells and medicine ball despite having a bad headache. I had to do some exercise today as I was starting to feel fat and unfit. I can still swing a 12kg kettlebell 60 times each side from between my legs to over my head and pickup and drop a 32kg medicine ball 40 times so I’m happy with that. I’ve still got some fitness.

I’ve had grilled fish and veg for dinner as part of my attempt to get back on track with my eating. I’ve been eating too much rubbish and fatty foods recently and the weight has piled on. It’s time to rein it in and get back to healthy eating and hopefully lose some pounds.

I’m off running with Kevin tomorrow up above Cragg Vale to visit 4 reservoirs and as Kevin put it have some photo opportunities. There’s plenty up there with panoramic views of the moors over Calderdale and Lancashire stretching for miles and miles.

I want to go back to bed cause I’m so tired but if I do I won’t get up to go and get my lottery and I need to do that so I get out of the house for a bit today. I might go back to bed when I get back but I’m hoping the fresh air and rain wakes me up and I can at least look at my life story when I get back and maybe even do some writing.

It’s 9:05pm and time for a final update. I tried to sit in my comfy chair and do some work on my laptop. It didn’t work. It felt uncomfortable and I couldn’t stop nodding off so around 5pm I went to bed and had an hours sleep. When I woke up I popped to Tesco’s for a bottle of wine to finish the night off.

I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine and I’m ready for bed now. It’s crap at the moment feeling tired all the time and unable to do much. I want to do so much more but the tiredness takes over and that’s it. So tomorrow it’s a run with Kevin who’ll take loads of photos, home for a pizza and bed around 1pm the way I feel at the moment. I really hope I can get more done tomorrow than I did today but I doubt it.

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