June 23rd, reflections

8:54am. Yesterday was a good day and I can’t wait to get back up there and do some more exploring. I saw a signpost on the run from Lower Gorple going up and over the fell so I assume it goes to Widdop and then I should be able to loop round Upper Gorple and back to Lower Gorple. Either that or I’ll get lost somewhere and never seen again.

My knee feels better but not 100% so I’m having an enforced day off running as I’m out with Kevin tomorrow for a run. I’m going to do some exercises for my knee too exercises I should be doing at least every other day but forget to do. I’m going to go for a walk and see how it feels later.

My weight is back down to 13st 10lbs a weight I’m happy with. I don’t know what happened last week but the sudden weight gain has gone and I’m back to normal. All I can think is it was the burgers and sausages I added to my diet so they’re a big no, no now.

After my walk I need to look at my research proposal. As career options go doing research isn’t bad as I have a certain degree of freedom and flexibility over my working hours which means I can get out on the moors when I want to especially in the winter months when the daylight hours are shorter and running time is limited. In life you have to weigh up all the options in front of you and decide which one is worth putting your time and effort into to get you the lifestyle you want. At the moment this is the best one by a long way.

I’m hoping to do some more personal writing later. I want to write about my time at college which was one of the happiest times of my life. Everything was good back then and I had some great times at college. I want to read more about paganism too. There is so much history and I mean prehistoric history around Haworth and the Calder Valley that you can feel it through your feet when you run or walk over the moors. You just have to know where it is and believe.

10:56am. Kettlebell and Romanian deadlifts done to strengthen my knee. Feel chilled today. A nice feeling.

11:29am. Just about ready for my walk. I was upstairs thinking about passion, what it is and do I have any? I used to have passion but the way I expressed it upset people so I stopped being passionate about things to fit in and not upset people. Now I have the stirrings of passion again a passion for running and running over moors and fells and feeling the skin of the earth beneath my feet, feeling the tears of the moors pour into my shoes and soak my feet, feel the earth challenge me with every footstep as a I slip and slid across the moors pitting myself against the best that Mother Nature has to offer. I have a passion to explore these wild, open places I have recently discovered, to see where paths take me, to climb that fell in front of me, to take the lessor trod path to see what magical delights are hidden on it to those who do not tread it, to find places where the ancient keepers of the planet practiced their magic and see if I can feel what they felt. Yes I am passionate and I’m not ashamed to say it anymore.

1:20pm. Been to Tesco’s, things are getting back to normal as the queues are getting shorter, and back home. Found a path on OS Maps from just above Widdop Reservoir to Boulsworth Hill and know where the Cuckoo Stones are. Feeling good today. Maybe this lockdown has been a good thing even though I didn’t think it was at the time. I finally feel like I’m changing and changing for the better and becoming ‘me’. Lets hope I continue becoming a better person and see where it takes me. And I haven’t looked at any running stats all morning. Running is far, far more than stats. Running is about feeling alive and free in a world that can male you feel dead and caged at times.

4:20pm. Created a structure for my research proposal so lots to think about and do now. Am I nervous? I’m s**t scared to be honest but I’m excited too. I know I can do this and I know it will be hard at times but the rewards far outstrip anything else which the possibility of living a lifestyle that I can only dream of. It’s a simple one but one where I can work pretty much my own hours and I have the freedom to run over the moors and fells pretty much when I want to. I have that now and if I work hard and play it right I could have it for life and indulge in my passions, running off road, nature, photography and local history.

8:14pm. Had a nap and been to Tesco’s again. Just doing a structure for my research proposal took it out of me. I did some reading though of Chris Goddard’s excellent book about the moors of West Yorkshire. I had a look at the area around Gorple and Widdop and discovered what Chris describes as the most remote part of the West Yorkshire moors which means I’m going to run it. This is the challenge I’ve been searching for, remote, bleak and wild. There is much, much more to this area though so I have a whole new planet to explore and discover. So many rock formations and other things up there I could spend the rest of my life exploring it. Claire read yesterdays blog and she thinks I should do a blog just based on my running. I’m sure she’s physic as it’s something I’ve been thinking about myself and now I’ve got a whole new area to explore I’ve a lifetimes writing to do. How I do it is very important and this is where Claire’s help will really come in. I’ve a few ideas but I need to write them down and put them by Claire first. There could be some legs in this though as Gaia Holmes who is one of Calderdale’s foremost poet’s and writers and who runs Igniting the Spark which I go to has remarked on a few occasions that I would make a great travel writer as I describe my journeys and everything around them so well. Claire seems to have the same idea too and I have the utmost respect for both of them and their opinions. With my renewed interest in local history over all the years I can incorporate this into my writing too. Lots of ideas but I need a plan a proper plan. Imagine if in a years time I was getting paid to write about my running! How amazing would that be! And I would never forget the people who helped me. Dreams can only come true if you try. As for the headaches which was the original purpose of this blog? Well as soon as I got home from Tesco’s I got a tension headache so it’ll be an early night for me with some paracetamols and I’m up early for a run with the midweek gang tomorrow. Blogging about headaches to me can be boring. I mean who wants to read about someone who has a headache everyday? I mention headaches so I can tell my neurologist about them if I ever see her again. I run because the headaches go and I can be free from pain as I run over the moors and fells and forget what it’s like to have a constant headache. I think people are more interested in my running experiences and how it intertwines with my autism, dyspraxia and mental health more than my daily headaches. Mother Earth doesn’t judge me or tell me to shut up and be quiet or reject me for no apparent reason. Mother Earth says come and enjoy me and find out who you really are and what you are truly capable of and see where life takes you.

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