June 18th, A crap day

7:00am on a damp and misty Thursday morning. The headache is gone replaced by an all over dullness that takes the edge off my mental faculties reducing my ability to think clearly and with clarity. It’s difficult to know if I do have a headache at the moment. The chest pains are still there in my right hand side. Maybe I’ve pulled a muscle? I’m running this morning so I’ll see if it gets any worse or if it goes.

Disappointingly my weight is going up too. I’m now 14st 1lb after getting down to 13st 3lb last month. I’m drinking more water and I’ve reduced my alcohol intake and my weight goes up! All I have to do is look at food and I put weight on.

Just watched a programme about King Richard III and the man who killed him in battle. Really interesting and it shows how easily people can be airbrushed from history for the benefit of others.

12:59pm. Had a crap morning. I struggled from the off with the run round Rippendon. The other three were a lot faster than me and I couldn’t keep up. I struggled with my breathing and my chest pain went from right to left. I’ve no idea where I’ve been cause for the first six miles or so it took everything I had just to stay on two feet. I felt like giving up and turning round several times. They were talking and laughing and I just struggled and kept struggling right to the bitter end. It was only my determination and stubbornness that got me through. A crap run from start to finish.

While following the other three I could hear them laughing and joking. It got me wondering why I struggle to talk to people about anything other than running or my studies? I feel like I’m making an effort but evidently I’m not. Maybe people realise I’m boring quite quickly and move on not interested in finding out if I have any thoughts and opinions on things. It’s happened many times so it must be me. I must be the definitive bore and to be avoided at all costs. No wonder I’m single. I could probably bore paint off a wall.

I still don’t feel right too. Tired, fat, woozy and pains in my chest. No idea what I’m going to do today. No motivation to do anything other than shut my mouth and avoid people.

8:42pm. Feel like shit. How come I run for 10 miles and put weight on? For some reason I’m piling on the pounds and it’s making me depressed. I weighed 14st 1lb when I got up and 14st 3lb after my run! How? Had a pizza and crap food seeing as I’m getting fat again. Had enough of today. Crap run, crap day. Nothing done. Another day wasted.

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