Saturday, 19th September, Meh

10:22am. After looking up the meaning of ‘meh’ on the internet it is how I feel today. I am bored and have a distinct lack of interest in anything today. It’s hard work sometimes being on your own and having no-one to talk to, no-one to share ideas and thoughts with, no-one to talk shit with and just remember you are human. I suppose people will think I’m being strong and brave but you get sick to death of being strong and brave when what you really want is some human interaction, some laughs, some fun. I feel like I’m becoming less human every day and finding it increasingly difficult to have a conversation and enjoy myself. How can you be human when you don’t see anybody? How can you express your feelings and emotions when you only have four walls to talk to? Uni is useless. I’ve done nothing and have had minimal interaction with them. I’ve tried but nothing. That doesn’t help how I feel. I was going to Halifax this morning to have a coffee with Paula but she let me down as usual, so it’s a day of walking and writing and thinking and wishing and dreaming as it has been pretty much everyday this year.

8:25pm. So, so tired. I’ve been to the gym for the first time. I had it all to myself too. Had a good workout and enjoyed destressing on the punchbags. Looking forward to running tomorrow with Claire, Simon and Ava. I need so much sleep.

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