10:27am. I had another poor nights sleep. I woke around 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep, so many thoughts swirling around my mind, things I want to say, things I want to do but maybe not just yet. I’ll wait until the time is right. I got up around 7am feeling anxious and nervous and with my left ankle and right knee aching I didn’t want to risk running and injuring them with two big races for me this week. Instead I did some kettlebell exercises including a plank for 2 minutes. My core is so strong. I felt better after doing my exercises, they burnt off the nervous energy I had.
I opened up a bit more to Claire last night with my diary saying how I felt the energy of the stones yesterday. It must have read like something from Harry Potter! I was nervous about sending this to Claire, wondering if she would ask me if I’m mad but I needn’t have been. She enjoyed it and understood how I felt at the stones. Deep down I knew she would, I’m sure she gets a similar feeling when she goes to the rock, a feeling that the rock is hearing her, listening to her and answering her prayers, guiding her in the best way it can. One thing I prayed for came true last night. It didn’t involve me but I was pleased for this person. I hope their dreams come true. The purpose of my story about the stones yesterday is an idea I’ve got for a book based loosely on my life story. This could be the final ingredient I’ve been looking for.
It’s been a strange year and I’ve changed in so many ways. I never thought I’d be opening up to someone and trusting them like I do Claire. After so many years of keeping everything in, suppressing feelings and emotions, bottling them up to the point where I can’t cope it’s nice to have a friend I can truly trust and confide in. I’m still getting used to it but it’s nice and I hope I can repay Claire back one day for the amazing friend she is becoming.
3:52pm. I’ve been for a walk to clear my head and written a brief synopsis for my story. I’m tired but I’m going to go to CVFR tonight otherwise I’ll only go and get a bottle of wine and sit here doing nothing and wake up at 2am to stare at the ceiling.
5:04pm. Decided to go to CVFR tonight rather than stop in. my legs are knackered but so what. It’s better than stopping in on my own. Still waiting to hear if I can go back into uni yet to study.
5:25pm. The woman who I help at the autism meetings has just confirmed that the libraries will be reopening soon. This means I can go and study somewhere and be around people even if I don’t want to talk to them! I’ve done some brief notes on a study paper. It was good to do. As I say, never give up, keep on trying and stay positive.
10:42pm. Had a great night at CVFR. A nice, steady 4+ mile run with nice people. A bit scary when two of the lasses got stung by hornets and then me and two lasses had to negotiate some angry looking cows but still a good run. Went to the pub after and had a nice chat with good people even though I was tired at the end and didn’t know what to say. Doing the handicap run with Bob on Thursday morning. Bob is faster than me so it’ll be good to have someone to chase. All in all it’s been a good day. It could have turned out a bad one but I stayed positive, did some stuff and ended the day with a good run and turned the day into a good one. And I had some new inspiration for my story. Is my life finally turning a corner to a new, exciting life?