12:46pm. I’ve been to the stones this morning to have a look for what I lost but it wasn’t there, it had gone…forever. I parked below Bully Tree Farm and went up the Pennine Way and then took the trail over the moors that leads to the trig point. It’s an old route but one rarely used and is useful to know if I’m short of time. The stones seemed different today, still listening but wanting me to wait and see, be patient, something I’m not good at but I’m going to have to be this time. As my physic said things make take time but don’t give up and I will get there.
I walked barefoot for a bit to ground myself before it got too cold and then I set off down towards Ponden Kirk. I took it easy as my left Achilles is causing me a lot of pain. It’s come back again after easing off so a few days rest are in order to see if it settles down.
I got back to the car and went into Haworth. I treated myself to a full English breakfast and bought some incense from the apothecary and a book about the cultural history of Haworth and some heather from the Bronte shop. It was a nice way to spend the morning, running over the moors and then breakfast and shopping in Haworth.
I feel flat, in limbo as if everything has stopped to catch it’s breath before the next phase of my life begins. I want to know things, I want to ask questions, I want answers, I want to do things, but I’m going to have to be patient and wait and see what happens. I have to wait for the stones to give me answers too, I have to wait for my leg to get better before I can run again, everything is a waiting game for me right now and it’s killing me having to wait and not know but I have no choice.
5:25pm. I’ve been to the park to sit and write some more of my life story. It’s too nice to be sat inside staring out the window. I got quite a bit done, being outside was inspiring and relaxing. Off to help a friend with their running soon. Life is so confusing at the moment. So many possibilities, so many routes to go down but which one…
7:11pm. Been to the park and helped my friend with their running and they were happy. Thinking of not paying my student fees this term as the service has been abysmal. I’ve suffered mentally, felt isolated and forgotten about and I’ve done no work because of it yet other PhD students who I know are in contact with their supervisors and getting support. Not good enough. They know I don’t work at home and I have mental health issues so why treat me like this?
9:47pm. Looking forward to a good nights sleep. Life is life and what will be will be. I’ve got this far and I’ve got a long way to go!!