Wednesday, 16th September, What to do for the best


10:59am. I woke up feeling different today. My sixth sense was telling me something wasn’t quite right, something wasn’t quite as it should be, something had changed during the night. I have my own thoughts on what’s changed but I could be wrong, I have been before. It could just be my fertile, creative imagination in overdrive and reading too much into situations and making 2 + 2 = 1,000. As usual I don’t know what to do for the best, I never do. Do I risk everything and see if my suspicions are correct or do nothing and wait and see what happens? I wish I knew which was the best option. I’ll go for a walk and have a think…

5:23pm. Back after a birthday meal at the White Horse, a present from my old friend and ex-neighbour for helping her out with her Netflix. I had creamy garlic mushrooms, steak and Ox tongue pie and cheesecake. It was really nice but it took me a while to get going as I wasn’t interested in talking at all. I get why people might think I’m anti-social or just rude because sometimes I don’t want to talk at all and it’s often at the wrong moment. It’s just me being me.

I need to go to the stones tomorrow. I’ve left something there and I need it and I need some comfort and reassurance for questions I have. I need to do something else too, something I need to try. If you don’t try you never know.

6:58pm. I wonder if it’s time to say goodbye to some people in my life, time to cut them out of my life forever and move on. I don’t know. I’ll sleep on it and go for a run tomorrow and mull it over. I’ve never been much good at relationships of any kind, always getting it wrong and saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Or doing nothing at all. Maybe this is my punishment for misdemeanors in a previous life.

9:29pm. I think my mate Kevin has a new girlfriend. He’s changed his relationship status and has been on a couple of walks with a young lass. I know he’s not in a relationship with the young lass but maybe it’s her mum… I hope he’s met someone at last. He deserves some happiness. Time for bed. Tomorrow is a new day.

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