September, 1st Tuesday, New month, New start

9:04am. I had a good nights sleep and woke to the sun streaming through my curtains. I pulled them back to a crystal blue sky, a perfect morning for the start of a new month. I was taken back to yesterday and the run over the moors with Claire and Benny. It was another great run, two friends running over the some of the most beautiful and inspiring moorland in the country. As Claire said in the car she could have stopped up there forever. I could have, away from all the stresses and strains of life that put so much pressure on us we forget who we really are until we escape for a couple of hours to be free from reality and enjoy life and find ourselves. The moors that surround me are where I find myself, lose myself in me and who I am, feel like a kid again running free with no pressure from reality to hold me back. I love the moors and the freedom they give me, the pleasure that never ends, how they give and never ask anything of you but to respect them and keep them as you find them. I’ll be back there tonight running over them with other runners from CVFR. For me it cannot come soon enough. The moment will past too soon and become another memory far too quickly. Many more will be made I hope, many, many more.

I can’t stop in this morning. Thoughts are racing round my mind, some are beginning to form patterns which may become something more, something meaningful. I need to get out and clear my head, take some photos with my camera, see the Calder Valley away in the distance, calling me, waiting for me to return tonight.

10:39am. I’ve been for a walk round the village and had one of the most amazing experiences I have had for a long time. I was walking along a footpath and I felt alive for the first time in ages. My senses felt as if they were overdrive, every sight, sound, smell, taste and touch, far more intense than I have experienced for so long. It was surreal. I felt human again, all the emotions and feelings I have suppressed for years so I can cope with life, released, unable to be suppressed any more. I felt lighter and happier than I have for years. I hope this is a new me, the me that has been under the surface for so long, the me that I haven’t wanted to release for fear of what I might experience finally out and it is a truly wonderful feeling. I saw Stoodley Pike on my walk, far away in the distance but still standing proud and tall on the horizon. I thought to myself I was there yesterday running over the moors, under a blazing sun, enjoying myself, happy in nature, at one with the world. Now I can only stand, look and take a photo but I will be back and I will run those moors again. I’m printing some stuff off to read for my PhD. This is the first time in ages I’ve felt like even printing something off but if I am to achieve the life I want, I need to read and do my PhD and see if it takes me there, where I want to be, where I need to be to be me.

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