Sunday, 25th August, thinking…

10:05am. Been for a walk this morning instead of having breakfast straight away. It made a nice change and gave me time and space to think about things, what I’m doing, what I want to do, what I need to do. Life is hard at the moment, at times it’s harder than others but I’m still here fighting, getting stronger every day and not giving up or giving in. being strong and staying positive is what matters now especially after reading an article on the BBC about severe mental health problems rising during the pandemic. I’m not surprised by this at all as there is so much uncertainty about everything at the moment, people are losing jobs that they thought would have been jobs for life, everything has changed so quickly and continues to change it’s not a surprise that so many people are having severe mental health problems. All I can do is to do my best and keep going and hope that everything works out in the end. No-one knows what the future holds but to give up now means there is no future and that for me is unthinkable. I have a future and I am going to live it to the fullest I can.

11:25am. Popping to Tesco’s for a bottle of non alcoholic wine for tonight. I wasn’t properly prepared last week and I paid the price in the last few miles. Today is a day of shandies and non alcoholic wine so I am ready for tomorrow and have a good run with Claire. I’m going to write the next chapter of my book too or at least the next few pages. Claire might be the only person who likes it but unless I write it I’ll never know. Anxiety is high today but I’m not going to let it get the better of me and rule my life today. I’m going to live side by side with it and get the most out of today.

8:19pm. It’s been a good day, nice and steady. I’ve been to the club and had a few shandies. I’m up early tomorrow to pick Claire up and do a tough but enjoyable 15 mile run over the moors. Getting drunk wouldn’t be fair on Claire both driving and running so I stayed sober and even now I’m writing this I’m having a glass of non-alcoholic sauvignon blanc. Mick and me lost our first game of dominoes and then won the other 3. After I had a chat with my mate Neil and came home around 6pm. I’ve done a few jobs around the house and written a bit more of my life story Validation. I’ve got a lot more done staying sober. I’m still feeling anxious but that will go tomorrow when I’m out on the moors running with Claire. Running is great for anxiety, being out on the moors in the fresh air helps to calm the mind and body. I’m going to get an early night as I need to be up early tomorrow but I’m looking forward to it. It will be a good day.

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