May 23rd, A lazy day


It’s 12:44pm on Saturday and time to catch up with my diary. I feel good today, tired but good. I knew I would be tired after my long run yesterday so it was expected and I just have the usual aches every runner has after a long run so nothing to worry about. I’m glad I did as I’ve been able to have a nice lie in this morning and have a very relaxing morning watching old dramas on TV and not have to worry about going for a run and wondering where to go and how far and how many climbs. It’s been nice to free my mind from running for a change. 

I’ve caught up on a few stuff and have loads more to do. Whether I’ll get it done or not is another matter. Today is about relaxing and getting myself back together mentally and physically to try and establish where I am and what condition I am in. I do feel good today, no pressure, no stress, just happy to be alive and able to do what I want.  

I’m still tired and my head is still a bit fuzzy. In some ways I’ve forgotten what it’s like to have a clear head and feel focused and alert and ready for anything. The further you go down the harder it is to remember what normal is as you establish a new and different normal every time to keep yourself going. The term normal takes on a whole new meaning and perspective. What was normal yesterday might not be normal today. Today’s normal is good though. A happy, relaxed and contented normal whatever else is going on. 

I’m going to go for a walk and get my lottery and then try and read. I’ve got two books I would like to finish this weekend if I can. Reading has been difficult for me because I fall asleep after an hour at the most, sometimes it’s a lot less. It would be nice to be able to read for hours but if I can’t do it I can’t do it and I’ll just have to accept it. I’m not going to give up yet though on being able to read. I’m going to give it my best shot at improving my reading time and hopefully I’ll see an improvement soon. 

It’s 4:35pm and I’ve given up on getting my chakra from Amazon today. I’ve been for a walk to get my lottery and had a light snack of hotdogs and onions. It was while heating the hotdogs up in the microwave that I had a moment that I dread and I suspect everyone in my position dreads. The microwave went ping and I looked for a plate to put the hotdogs on. I knew I had one out but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Then after a couple of minutes I remembered I’d put it in the microwave with the hotdogs on… It’s moments like this that make me wonder if this is the start of something else after all they always say that loss of memory starts with the small things before gradually getting worse and leading to bigger losses of memory. 

It’s 9:19pm and I’ve done nothing today but live like a zombie and eat like a pig. I tried to read a car magazine and struggled. I’ve watched some detective dramas I like and been to Tesco’s to get the cats some food despite wanting to go to bed and sleep forever. I couldn’t remember Kendal Mint Cake at Tesco’s despite trying to desperately and failing. It hurts when you can’t remember something you feel you should and makes everything so much more difficult to understand and comprehend… I’ve had a bottle of wine while playing games on Facebook and watching Dinner Ladies one of the best sitcoms ever written. Funny yet with a tinge of underlying poignancy it sums up life perfectly. The theme tune is so beautiful, I want it played at my funeral, short but says everything that needs to be said.  

I wish I could have done so much more today but it’s still been a good day and tomorrow is a new day with new dreams to fulfil. Sometimes it’s nice to have an easy day when you can reset your mind and body and prepare yourself for whatever’s to come.

2 thoughts on “May 23rd, A lazy day

  1. if you try to give yourself space for what your experience is, for example.. ‘I forgot’, what is this experience – can I give space in my attention to it, as if embracing our self in this particular experience. A suggestion, …

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