8:48am. I got up early today and drove over to the rock as I needed some quiet contemplation. I was planning to go to the stones but my left Achilles is still sore from yesterday and I didn’t want to risk any more damage to it. I arrived at the rock just after 6:30am and I knew I had made the right decision. The sun was just rising, a burning orange ball in the distance and already I could feel the magic of the rock pass through my body and soul.
8:48am. I got up early today and drove over to the rock as I needed some quiet contemplation. I was planning to go to the stones but my left Achilles is still sore from yesterday and I didn’t want to risk any more damage to it. I arrived at the rock just after 6:30am and I knew I had made the right decision. The sun was just rising, a burning orange ball in the distance and already I could feel the magic of the rock pass through my body and soul.
I made my way to the rock and closed my eyes as I touched it and asked for clarity and guidance on some things. Life has been a rollercoaster for me this year as it has been for many people. Just when you think something is settled you find out it isn’t. my training for yesterdays race had been going well and then on the day everything went wrong, but that’s life and you have to deal with it. I did yesterday, I kept going as hard as I dare and I finished the race even though I could barely stand up at the end and my body was in pain, I did it.
And there’s other things too. Some are in my control to a certain extent and it is up to me to make the most of the opportunities I have right now. Other things don’t seem as clear cut and are out of my hands. All I can do is wait and see what happens and deal with it when it does. Life is full of endless opportunities and possibilities at the moment or so it seems and the rock and the stones are helping me through this time. I hope they help me with the guidance I need at the moment and I learn from my mistakes and make the right decisions and be the best person I can be.
I turned round and watched the sun rise over the moor. It seemed so magical this morning, early morning mist lying low over the valleys, I felt connected to the rock, the sun and the earth. It was as if they were listening to me, deciding how to answer my questions. Moments like this are special and make me realise how lucky I am to be able to get up and go to the rock and the stones and come home with no pressure to do anything other than enjoy my day. I have a lot to do but I can do it at my pace, in my time with no timetables or people breathing down my neck. I am very, very lucky.
I went for a short walk over the moor thinking about what has happened this year, who has come into my life and who has walked out. Thinking about what is in my control and what I can do and what isn’t and what is wait and see what happens. I thought about how I’ve changed this year in so many ways. I feel a better, stronger, wiser person in a lot of ways, although it might not always seem like that! I thought about what I would like to happen, the life I would like to have and what I can do to achieve my dreams and live this life. Will my dreams come true? Only time will tell…
I took some more photos of the sun rising and headed back to my car. On the way home I saw a cat that had been run over and it brought home to me how uncertain and precious life is and how it can be taken away from any of us in an instant. You have to make the most of what you have and take the opportunities you have and live your best life or your life will be wasted and one day you will sit in a chair with a glass of wine and wonder ‘what if’ about so much and you’ll regret not taking those chances and opportunities and seeing where they took you.
4:50pm. I’ve been for a walk in the park and sat in the sun reading my book. It’s too nice a day to be constrained by four walls, today is a day for getting out and staying out as long as possible. Whilst reading my book I began to wonder if I could have done the marathon yesterday. Judging by the mess I was in at the end of the half no. but who knows what might have happened on the marathon? I might have done it or I might have ended up in a worse state than I did. I’ll never know but it’s time I stepped up to a longer distance. I’ve done the Hebden 22 several times now but never gone further and I don’t know why. At Queensbury no-one wanted to run with me. At CVFR people do, people who have done a marathon before. And Claire is a great running buddy so maybe once the summer is over we’ll do a marathon distance sometime. I know plenty of routes that we could do and I’m sure Claire does too. It’s time for me to step up and see what I’m really capable of. Once my sore left ankle has settled down. I really caught the sun yesterday too. I’m looking very tanned just in time for the end of summer. If I win big on the lottery I’m buying a place in Spain to spend the winter at!
7:28pm. Went to the park and did some more work on my synopsis. A lot happier with it now. Read some Ted Hughes after and eked out the last of the sun with a walk round the village. You can tell the summer is coming to an end with the farmers cutting the last of their crops ready for the winter. It was nice to see people playing in the park. I saw a single magpie on my walk and wondered what twist today might have in store for me. It’s been an unpredictable year and everything I thought might happen hasn’t, well not all of it. Anything might happen and it wouldn’t surprise me at all. Nothing would surprise me anymore. I daren’t even predict what might happen tomorrow never mind next year, but whatever happens I hope it’s good.
My left ankle is still sore but feels better after a walk. I’ll see how it is tomorrow before I decide whether to go to CVFR tomorrow night. I won the autumn handicap! I can’t believe I’ve actually won something at running! It’ll be the only thing I win but I’m still happy. I think I paid for it yesterday though but that’s life. The other strange thing I noticed about yesterday was when I was running well I got no PB’s but when I felt I was struggling I got some PB’s! Not sure how that worked but it did somehow. Weird how you can feel like shit yet run faster than when you don’t.
The Autistic FellRunner 