It’s 11:05am and I’m getting ready to go for a walk to the Giants Tooth at Ogden while it’s wet as it will be quiet and there won’t be the idiots we’ve had recently up there so it will be safe too. Today is an ok day. I treated myself to a lie in and am preparing myself mentally to be off uni till late September which gives me more time to write my life story and do a few other things that have fallen by the wayside recently as I have struggled mentally. I feel normal today although I am going to take 3 beta blockers today for the first time so I don’t know how that will affect me if at all. I’m starting to sleep better so that is an improvement. I’ll have to see how I am after 4 to 6 weeks which is how long it takes for them to fully kick in.
It’s 5:12pm and I’m back from my long walk round Ogden Water. It was a nice walk, maybe a bit too long but enjoyable. I know Ogden very well and there’s parts of it I go to that not many people know about and because they’re not well visited they are full of lush, bright greens and the sounds of birds especially on a day like today when the rain has returned to give life to the earth. It was like entering a secret paradise walking down into the valley and back up the other side. I had this magical place all to myself and I felt very privileged to be in this position witnessing the rebirth of nature after days and weeks of the sun scorching everything in sight. As a society I do feel that we take nature too much for granted and we should never do that as it provides so much for everyone and will still be here long after we have destroyed much of what we have including ourselves.
My purpose for going to Ogden was to visit the Giants Tooth a large white stone surrounded by smaller stones all planted into the ground. Like a lot of these sites it is rumoured to be an ancient site of worship a long time before Christianity and in my mind the ancients knew far more than we give them credit for and had a greater connection with nature than many of us do in our high technology world full of things made of plastic and metal that we are convinced by others that we need or our lives are empty when all we need to do is walk a couple of miles into nature and our lives are full.
I digress. Visiting the Giants Tooth has become more special recently since I discovered Ladstone Rock at Norland and have been to Alcomden Stones above Haworth more often both places rumoured to have connections to ancient pagan rituals. To me it is entirely feasible that rituals would have been carried out at these sites because of their remoteness and unique place on the land, high up with stunning views. Tribes back then did not move about like we do so would settle, find a place of worship and ritual and stay there. I and others are lucky to be able to visit them all in one day if we want to rather than having just the one place to see.
After visiting Ladstone Rock my view of these places changed too. I felt an energy at Ladstone coming up from deep inside the earth. I told my friend Claire as she also loves these places and understands the significance of them. Alcomden Stones took on a different mindset when I visited it and I am attracted to one stone in particular that to me seems to be the equivalent of Ladstone Rock, on the edge looking out over the moors and fells, protecting the other stones while gathering knowledge all the time. I felt energy at this stone and I have felt energy at the Giants Tooth on my last two visits. Do they know who the believers are? Are they magical or is it in my frazzled mind? I don’t know but it gives me a great deal of comfort when I visit them. I felt so much better for visiting the Tooth, calmer and more at ease with life.
After I went to Tesco’s to get my lottery I bought an Orgone Energy Pyramid. I was attracted to one so bought it. If nothing else it’s a nice object to look at. I’ve taken 3 beta blockers today for the first time and don’t feel too bad. I’ll have to see how I go but I’m feeling a bit better with them. I’ve still got the headaches and the fuzzy mind but the palpitations seem to have gone. Tonight I’m going to get an early night and enjoy having an average day with a nice walk round Ogden and to the Tooth and wake tomorrow feeling fully refreshed and ready to take on the world.
It’s 8:38pm and it’s not been a bad day especially compared to yesterday. I seem to be getting used to the tablets and I’ve managed to avoid having an afternoon nap which is good. I’m tired but no more than usual and my head is as it always is these days and I’m used to it now. I’ve spoken to my brother who is a real nutcase even though he’s 70 this year. He still hasn’t calmed down from his days in the army. I’ve still got questions that are unanswered but what will be will be and sometimes it’s best to wait and see how life develops and see what happens rather than trying to force everything and today is a day like that. If something happens I’ll deal with it there and then. Today is a day for relaxing and enjoying life not a day for worrying about what may or may not happen.
The Autistic FellRunner 