Wednesday, 05 July 2023
It’s another sunny, summers day, blue skies, a few clouds, and sunshine. It’s times like this I wish I had a garden. Maybe one day…
After two days alcohol free, I woke feeling good until I got out of bed. My hips and legs were so stiff, it was difficult to move, everything takes so much longer to free up and get moving right now. My thighs are aching too, although this could have as much to do with the walking and jogging I’ve been doing, as anything else. They are aching a lot more than usual though, and by that I mean aching far more than when I used to run over the moors for miles and miles. Still it’s life and it’s my life now, so it’s a case of put up or shut up and I’ll be out doing a few miles this evening. I’m looking forward to it. Mentally I’m feeling a lot better though and that’s a good thing. The brain fog has largely disappeared, although I know it’s there in the background waiting to come back at any time. I’m expecting it and I’m prepared for it, again it’s a part of my life now so I just have to accept it.
I’ve got an online meeting with my Disability Advisor and my supervisors this morning as my Learners Support Plan (LSP). I’m hoping I can get some worthwhile support put in place that makes a real improvement to my studies and I can move forward and get moving with my PhD.
I have a really good meeting with my disability advisor and my supervisors, and it feels as if we make progress. There’s lots of support out there for me and it’s just a question of asking the right people and the advice and support is there. I feel so much better after my meeting.
I’m still worried about my finances. I’ve cancelled a direct debit and I’m waiting for an email from the company telling me my direct debit has been refused yet when I go on the website all I see is bill paid. How can this be when I’ve cancelled the direct debit, and nothing has left my bank account? This makes me anxious as I’ve got things I need to buy that I can’t avoid.
The anxiety keeps increasing ever so slowly during the rest of the day and I end up in Tesco’s buying cheap cider once again. It’s the only way I can cope with my anxiety, self-medicating with alcohol. I know it’s not the right way and I wish I had a better way of coping, but I haven’t. I drink nearly 3 litres of cheap cider before I head to bed after 11pm knowing that tomorrow will be a tough day mentally and physically.
The Autistic FellRunner 