Thursday, 22 June 2023
Another broken night’s sleep, this time interrupted by a painful headache, that had me wondering when my skull was going to cave in and crush my brain. Thankfully it didn’t, and a glass of water calmed my headache, and I was able to sleep peacefully, for the rest of the night, with my usual weird dreams of course!
I’m checking my phone, obsessively at the moment, waiting for my cost-of-living payment to come. I’m £1.50 or so, overdrawn at the bank, and it is my own fault, but this payment would clear that and give me some much-needed breathing space until next week when I get paid, and I can think clearly and start to get control back over my finances. I need to budget better and instead of budgeting just for the priorities, I need to budget for other things, that aren’t a priority, but which I know I’ll spend money on, such as going to the club. It’ll make a big difference in the end and give me a clearer and better picture of where I stand with my finances.
I need to contact my pensions advisor too, as I need to withdraw some money so that I can get a new car, as my old one is literally, falling apart, and it’s doubtful it’ll get through it’s next MOT in August. A newer car will hopefully be cheaper to run too, which will help me enormously.
I’ve spoken to my friend this morning too, the one who I saw yesterday in Tesco’s, and who has been having so much trouble with her family. She seems a lot better today and is ready to face the world and do her best. She knows I’m here if she needs me. Life always seems better when you’ve got someone who’ll be with you in times of trouble.
It’s mid-morning, and no money has hit my account yet, so I’m going to transfer over some money I have in my National Lottery account to clear my overdraft and go for a run over the moors to clear my head. It’s a beautiful day and it would be a shame to waste it, worrying unnecessarily at home over things I have no control over.
It’s mid-afternoon, on a gorgeous, sunny, Thursday, and I’m worn out and ready for a nap yet again. I’ve been for a walk to Ladstone Rock on Norland Moor. I didn’t intend to go to Ladstone, I ended up there, seemingly drawn to it by forces beyond my control. I had intended to go for a run to Alcomden Stones, on Stanbury Moor, above Haworth. I got to the carpark at Penistone Hill and realised, I had left my walking poles at home. I did toy with the idea of running up there without them, but the route has some ascents and descents that are a bit beyond what I’m capable of at the moment, so I decided against it. I had a nagging feeling inside me that if I did run up it wouldn’t be end in a good way, so I decided to go to Ladstone instead. It just felt right.
The drive over to Ladstone Rock through Hebden Bridge, Mytholmroyd, Cragg Vale and Ripponden, was a nightmare. It seemed that every single lunatic driver was out on the roads, and they had all been affected by the sunshine in some way, as the way they drove was deplorable to say the least. I had drivers tailgating me, overtaking me in small spaces, pulling out on me at the last minute and crossing the white line in the middle of the road for no reason, it seemed that everyone was out to break every single rule of the road today. The behaviour of the other drives, only added to my mood which was tense and anxious to start with, and the other road users, only made it worse.
I made it to Ladstone Rock without being run off the road, parked up in the small carpark and walked the short distance over Norland Moor to Ladstone. I felt much better as soon as I was out of the car and making my way over the moor. The tension and anxiety melted into the ground with each step I took, and the closer I got to Ladstone the better I felt. It is said that Ladstone holds a magical power for those who believe in such things, and today I did, indeed, feel something from Ladstone, as if it was listening to me, absorbing every word I said, soaking up all my emotions, and deciding what is the best path for me, for my journey in this life.
I felt so much better for talking to Ladstone Rock, giving thanks for the life I have and asking for help as I continue my journey. It probably sounds mad to talk like this, but we all have our ways of coping with life, and this is mine. It doesn’t cause anyone any harm and helps me. I know others who go to Ladstone for the same reasons as I do, and it helps knowing I’m not the only one who finds comfort in Ladstone Rock.
During the short walk back to my car, both my hips began to ache, so I knew I’d made the right decision to go to Ladstone Rock and not Alcomden Stones. If I had gone to Alcomden, I think I would have done some serious damage to my hips and be in considerable pain now. The standard of driving that got me so wound up, was summed up when I saw a young lad on a motorbike wearing a balaclava and his two friends on a quad bike, riding down the main road I live on. I got done for speeding a couple of weeks ago and yes that’s fair enough, but it’s when you see people like these flouting the law so brazenly in the open, that gets you mad and wondering what the point of it all is.
I’ve emailed my pension company to ask about withdrawing some money to buy a newer car. I don’t want to do it and I wish I wasn’t in the position I’m in where I have to, but life is full of things we have to do and don’t want to, most are just to keep us going in life. I’m hoping that by doing this I’ll have more money available and that every time I get in front financially, I can put some back into my pension fund to build it back up again. I’ve got 11 years before I retire so there’s a chance I might be able to do just that.
I’ve not done much this evening apart from sort yet more stuff, a TEAC, DVD player and some speakers, in case I need to sell them for money tomorrow. I’m coming down with a bad cold. I’m so, so hot, tired, and confused. I’m going to take some cold medicine and go to bed. It might be a night, or it might be a peaceful one, where I wake in the morning feeling fine. Only time will tell.
Thoughts and prayers go out to the five people who have, very sadly lost their lives in the Titan submarine disaster. So , so sad, for everyone involved, especially their families.
The Autistic FellRunner 