Wednesday, 21 June 2023
I’ve had another night of broken sleep, waking at around 2am, then drifting in and out of sleep until 6am, before I drop off for an hour of deep sleep and weird dreams, and finally getting up at 7am. I’m getting used to this routine now, and it doesn’t affect me like it did at first. The dreams don’t bother me either, I forget about them as soon as I get up.
I have a message from my friend saying she’s sorry, but she can’t make the quiz tonight. I’m relived as my cost-of-living payment hasn’t come through yet and I haven’t got enough, even for a beer, so she’s done me a massive favour by cancelling.
After breakfast, avoiding not to pour the soya milk that’s gone off on my muesli, I ring the debt charity I’ve been working with so that I can get a grip on my finances and stop lurching from one disaster to another. I have a good conversation with the advisor, and he recommends that I try and stick within my budget and keep on top of my repayments. This is something I’m sure I can do as I have to cut down on the amount I eat, portion sizes especially, and cut down on the amount of alcohol I drink, which will benefit me in many ways.
I have a lot to think about, not least in the way I plan my finances. When I come off the phone, I do some work on the spreadsheet I use for my budget, and as soon as I enter the figures for how much I plan to spend at the club over the next few weeks it becomes apparent where I have been going wrong in my budgeting. The money I have left after I have paid everything I have to, and gone to the club, isn’t much. I have around £100 left for food for 2 weeks. It should be enough, but it is also clear to me where I have been going wrong with my finances and why I am always in a mess with them. Now I know I can take control of my finances and stop letting them control me.
I’m in a really good mood now. Sometimes it’s the little things that matter and they certainly do today. I have a good feeling about today. I don’t know why, I just do. Deep down I feel that something good will happen today. I hope it does.
After going to the gym yesterday, my hip and back felt a lot better, so I go down today. I do 36 minutes on the bike, surprising myself at how much energy I have, and then 40 minutes in the X-Trainer, surprising myself even more at what I have done today. After 5 minutes relaxing in the members area, I go back in and do 12 minutes in the arm bike. I don’t know where all this energy is coming from, but it feels really good to have it and to be able to use it. I’m dripping in sweat but feel so much better for doing one of the best workouts I have done for a long time. My whole body feels a lot better now, the aches and pains have reduced a lot, a I feel I can achieve a lot more than I thought I could, it’s just a case of changing my thinking and my lifestyle to fit in with how my back and my hip affect me.
Early evening and I’ve got up from a nap. This was different to the ‘crashes’ I’ve been having, where it as if I was dropping off a cliff and it took everything I had to get upstairs to go to bed. This was gradual and a result of my earlier efforts at the gym. It was good though. I have BBT, playing on Netflix as I usually do, if I wanted friends to hang out with, Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, and Raj, would be near the top of the list. I’m still tired now but feel better for having a nap. It’s afternoons like this that I miss having a garden. This afternoon was perfect for falling asleep on a lounger in a garden, listening to nature and nothing else.
It’s a beautiful evening. I’m looking forward to one of life’s simple pleasure’s, going to Tesco’s to get some milk for my little cat. My mind is a bit foggy, from everything that’s been going on the past few days, but I’m happy and in a good place, and I know it’s going to be a good evening too.
Tesco’s done, and as usual I see someone I know and have a quick catchup. It’s nice to see friends you haven’t seen for a while and have a chat.
I’ve done my good deed for the day too. The friend I saw has been going through a tough time and we’ve had a really good chat about it, and she feels a lot better now. It’s a nice feeling when you’ve helped someone and made their day better.
The sun sets on the summer solstice of 2023, and the longest day of the year is almost at an end. It’s been a good day, I’ve done a lot and learnt so much about myself and others, and that for me is what life is all about, learning and moving forward. We need to rest and gather our thoughts from time to time of course, but we should always keep moving, looking for new experiences and learning from them so that we can be better in ourselves and then we can help others be better in themselves.
The Autistic FellRunner 