So, after a couple of weeks of feeling shit yet again for the millionth time in 2 years, I’m feeling a lot better today. In fact, I’ve been feeling good since last Thursday when whatever it is that’s ailing me pissed off for a while before it comes back yet again. When I feel shit, I feel really shit, everything aches, it’s impossible to think clearly and focus, living becomes a chore and everything seems harder to do than it should do, certainly harder than it used to be. I went to the doctors last Wednesday, convinced I had rheumatoid arthritis, the latest in a long list of aliments that either fit how I feel, or I make fit how I feel, depending on how you view my, seemingly, never-ending feeling of shittyness.
Am I just getting old and no-one told me it’d be like this? Is this what getting old feels like except I’m getting old in a year instead of over ten years? Maybe it’s better to get it over and done with as quickly as possible and then you can settle down to being a miserable, old bugger, with everything else that goes with that instead of doing it gradually and getting slower and weaker over months and years. Only time will tell.
I’m pretty sure I’ve got arthritis in my right hip as I’ve been told that by a physio, back in January and did nothing about it when I should have done. Now things have got much worse, and I can’t run anymore and some days I struggle to get up the stairs. My friend thinks it’s because I’m too fat and it’s putting too much weight on my joints and losing weight will sort everything out. I did point out to her that, that sums up arthritis, but losing weight will do me good anyway so I’m trying to eat healthier and doing more walking in the hope that one day I’ll wake up and I’ll be slim and lightweight once again.
It’s really, really hot here in Yorkshire, unbearably hot in fact. I’ve been going around in a vest and shorts, looking like a parody of a fat, middle aged man, which is in fact what I am, but trying desperately to forget. I’m still amazed to see people walking around wearing jackets and jeans, how are they not melting for Christ’s sake! I wouldn’t be able to move in something like that. It is beautiful though. All the colours of nature are out in force and it’s stunning, even though it’s too hot and I’m hoping for rain vey, very soon so everything can feel a bit cooler.
I drove through Ilkley on Saturday, and it was an eye opener. Instead of the usual suspects I see every day, groaning and grunting their way through the day, empty shops, drunks on corners, the smell of weed everywhere and everyone swearing every other word, it was full of people who seemed to be enjoying themselves without the need for alcohol or drugs. Everyone was polite and respectful with a smile on their face because it was a nice day to be alive. It made a nice change, and I made a mental note to go back for a day out sometime.
So, I’m feeling good, watching a sci-fi film called Dune, my legs are aching and I’m wondering how I’ll feel when I wake up tomorrow, but for tonight I’m good and I’m happy.
The Autistic FellRunner 