June 1st, the day after

It’s 8:53am and time to update my diary, new month, new day a new beginning to another week. It’ll still be the same old rubbish though lol.

Yesterday I went for a final long run with Ted Bovis. Our intention was to run the Hebden 22 but from the off it was obvious it wasn’t going to happen. I was beyond tired and felt sick and thought I was going to throw up so we walked round the route while I listened to Ted and all the latest gossip. After around 9 miles the sickness went but I was still really tired and drained and couldn’t run so we carried on walking round and we just did the 15 which was more than enough for me on the day.

I do wonder what people say about me and what rumours go round about me. I’ve heard things mainly about my autism and people not believing I was autistic because I don’t look autistic whatever that might be. I felt that everyone was talking about me behind my back and made up their own minds about me without getting the facts from me. It really affects you mentally because you can’t help but wonder why people prefer to speculate and assume instead of finding out the truth and you wonder who you can believe and trust and who is just out to cause trouble.

When I got home I was totally out of it. My head was throbbing and aching, I was confused and tired and on another planet so I went to bed for a nap. I got up and didn’t feel much better but made an effort to chat with people and have a laugh.

I’m going to run up to Alcomden Stones on the alternative route. I’m looking forward to it as this route gives a very different perspective to the stones as you approach them. They seem to be more majestic and dominant as you climb up towards them and they are on top of the moor watching you coming up towards them. It’s a nice route but seldom run because although it isn’t long it is remote and out of the way for the usual tourists. It is also dangerous as you really need to know the route. When I went up in the last bad snowstorm I was going to run down it in the snow but the path is narrow and twisty and I knew it would be far too dangerous in the conditions. If I had gone over and hurt myself that would have been it. I would have died at the stones.

And as for today? Well it’s now 10:56am and I’m shattered. I could do with going to bed I’m so tired but I’m not going to. I’ve got stuff I need to do. I don’t know if it’s the beta blockers, the running, being out in the sun or a combination of all three that has made me so tired but I am and I just have to live with it and get on with life.

It’s 8:50pm and time for a final update. I’ve got a lot done today but I’m really struggling tonight. I’m really tired and feeling woozy too. I’ve been for a walk but my heartrate according to my watch dropped to 23bpm at one point with a high of 116bpm which is very worrying. I’m beginning to wonder if I’ve got a problem with my heart rhythm and I’ve got heart palpitations. I’m really not feeling good tonight. I’m having no alcohol and have had a vegan tea which I hope helps. If this continues I’ll have to go back to the doctors.